Flying twice a week

Flying twice a week

I thought there will be more to share about being a super-commuter, but to be honest, it’s a lot less meaty topic than I had anticipated.

Every time I try to wrangle my brain for some coherent thoughts on the subject, I find myself at a total loss. I have a routine set up now on either end, and the transfer in between is relatively painless too. This split life has become my new normal for now and it’s hard to think what to share about it, other than these snaps.

One definite benefit is all the hours spent above the clouds, the sunsets and sunrises I get to see. I always loved flying, even though I feel it’s a very guilty pleasure. (I hate to think what my carbon footprint has become.)

I love how the world goes in and out of focus, how I leave normality as everything shrinks into a scale model of itself. Up in the skies I get a break from real life and I exist in between places. Then during the final descent things slowly grow into their own shape again, they scale back up to normal surroundings, and I find myself back in reality.

It’s a weird, gentle and often breathtaking feeling.

Getting tangled

Getting tangled

Hop skip and a month disappeared. Much and little happened at the same time. Perhaps I should start at the beginning, and then go from there.

Mid-September I spent a crazy week in Tenerife with my new colleagues, mostly partying, on a boat, on a bus, on a moonlit beach, on the foothills of a volcano… you name it. It was an exhilarating time, I felt so alive. All the photos below are from one of the first evenings there, a fizz-fuelled sunset at 2000m, overlooking the Teide.

But even during the long slog that was the return trip to Bristol, I began having all these thoughts about how deceptive single experiences like this can be. It gave me this artificial feeling that I settled in, and that I’m seen as an integral part of the team, but in fact I’m a very far way from forging real human connections. Which is normal – it’s only been three months since I joined. It takes a lot longer than that to truly belong.

Either way, I’m starting to discover that I have some serious confidence issues that I was never really consciously aware of before. And these things are seriously affecting my ability to connect with people, and even my performance at work. Today, in a rather low mood, I’m feeling seriously debilitated by it, and don’t even know how to turn up at the office come Monday morning.

I’m getting tangled up in this new job in an unhealthy way. It’s such a mind-blowingly unique place, working there is amazing in so many ways; and yet there are so many aspects of it that make me frown and have second thoughts.

Well, all that sounded kinda depressing, huh… I guess I was due an update on how I’m doing anyway — the answer is: so-so. Some days I’m so full of energy, and others I’m kind of flattened like this.

I think it’s the aftermath of everything that went down in May — that kind of low doesn’t just disappear without a trace. I’m still fighting my own demons, and it will be a while yet before I come out on top. But I have a lot of hope that I can push through, because this time I’m in a supportive and positive environment, and not in the horrible hostile place I was before.

New job rituals

New job rituals

So — curious about the new job, huh? I’m having a pretty nice time adjusting to my new rhythm, however crazy it may sound.

How can so much travel & being away from home for most of the week possibly feel like a good work-life balance?? Somehow it just does. I sleep well, eat well, go for runs along the floating harbour, and the transit time quite naturally translates into side project work — something I always struggled to allocate time to. So in all I can already see the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Settling into a new role and work environment, there’s some silly rituals I always catch myself doing, like this one: Read on »

Breathe

Breathe

I found this amazing hidden stairwell at work. I’ve been working here for over two years now, and I never even knew it existed — I think a lot of people don’t.

It’s so little used, it still smells of fresh paint, the air is a little bit cooler, and when I’m there, I feel like I can breathe again.


Read on »